kor-riffic adventure (part 1)

after a long vacation from blogging, (inspired by the gruesome demise of my laptop in an auto accident) we took a long vacation from life (inspired by my deep-rooted passion for not working). unfortunately, i'm afraid i've well overused my vacation time on either front, and i return to my rather nebulous job responsibilities of mostly sitting around. a visit to our family in korea was, as always, long overdue, so we hopped on a 777 to seoul and can now respond to those of you who said a transcontinental trip with three young children couldn't be done, that it merely shouldn't be done.

the aircraft type in itself was the matter of some contention. eli was sure that a 747 would have been a better choice. at the international terminal in san francisco, he walked me around to every single gate occupied by one of the iconic wide-bodies pleading his case for a last minute aircraft swap. he was more than happy to accept a lengthy beijing or hamburg layover if it meant a ride on the overtly conspicuous two layered airframe. it was not without tears that he was convinced to board the triple.

parenting and vacation together are, in and of themselves an interesting behavioral juxtaposition. it is a curious and directly competitive relationship in which only one can truly survive. i don't make any claims on the "father of the year" title, but my parenting style went quite quickly from what one might call "directed development" to a severely degenerated bastardization more closely resembling wyle e. coyote sticking his fingers and toes in rapidly developing leaks at the bottom of a dam. things i found myself saying include, but are not limited to:

• "eat two bites of cereal, or you'll get no more candy until lunchtime."
• "if you're going to play in the middle of the street, you need to have your shoes on."
• "we're going home- you can stay here and live by yourself in the cookie aisle."
• "if you're going to eat nothing but ice cream and soda for dinner, you need to take two big drinks of water before bed- and this time i mean it!!!"

of course, the language barrier masks much of the more embarrasing functions of the innefective parent. basically, as long as you don't yell, you can rest assured that anything you say to your kids in english just sounds like charlie brown's teacher to everyone else in the room. thus, bribery is lost in translation, as in "give your imo (maternal aunt) a hug and i'll give you a piece of candy."- onlookers witness only the negotiated behaviour and extrapolate a percieved (if slightly inaccurate) loving exchange between parent and child.

tickets in hand.

( after a most onerous journey, we engaged in the culturally deep rooted tradition of sitting on the couch and watching t.v.)

among our first items of business was grabbing some comfort food for the kids at the nearest "home plus" market. koreans don't commonly eat american foods like yogurt, cereal, etc. so what they do have of it is more like dessert. (cereals are vulcanized in sugar, a cup of yogurt tastes more like half melted ice cream, and apparently, all the milkfat we remove from our dairies is exported for infusion in the korean treatment of lactose.) surprisingly, i couldn't get my kids to eat any of it. so between that and the cheese sticks i bought which turned out to be bologna flavored, most of the family came home looking like nicole richie on ultra slim fast. still, i managed to keep the total family weight deviation at a net positive.

disappointed with much of what home plus had to offer, eli did strike up a friendship with the on location nestle quick representative.

(more to come...)