fres-yes!

at some point, we've all probably told ourselves, "i'd like to go to fresno, but i just don't have any interest in agriculture or gang violence." well, you're in luck. as it turns out, fresno is more than just the training grounds for the future malfeasant police officers of california. why do we enjoy our trips to fresno?

the rotary club amusement park:

whether you're chasing around diseased pigeons, or just taking a paddle boat for a leisurely embarkment through stagnant water, this rudimentary six-flags substitute is every bit as exhaustive and pointless a waste of time as a trip to disneyland... at a fraction of the price! your kids will still fight, throw fits, and be generally disobedient, but you don't have to wait in line for two hours at a time while being subjected to it. plus, a cup of lemonade costs about $7.50 less. 

swimming in the wannamakers' pool:

as fresno's average summer temperature is somewhere between 100˚f and 100˚c, the lines between neighborly camaraderie and trespassing become blurred. they can't sit out back and guard their pool all day, and when they let their guard down, we're right there ready to pounce.

lego aerospace design:

my nephew scott introduced me to wonkas; an alien race of nickel-sized interplanetary explorers. although they seem innocuous (even downright cute) to the human observer, theirs is a bloodthirsty and bellicose society, bent on metagalactic imperialism. while these googly-eyed gladiators are a dependable source of income for lego warship designers, i have found that they are quick to open fire on the contractors in their employ when the job does not follow the assigned schedule. fortunately, grandma & grandpa's house contains enough legos to build a craft with the breadth and firepower of an i.g.e.c. or a blaster craft, and still have enough left over for a panoply of smaller satellite craft. it is not without hubris that i share how my lego building prowess has landed me a spot as one of scott's primary project consultants. we have collaborated via email, telephone, and video conferencing on such prominent creations as the bread factory, and the wonka barracks/training yard.

cousins:

when the browns are willing to submit to the scenic san joaquin valley drive, we get to have a cousin reunion. this provides all the rationalization we need to eat like we are preparing for the nuclear winter. except for tali, the three year old with the eating habits of a french supermodel- she'll just have a salad. 

peeing in the drain

there's not much analyzing penelope other than that she does what she wants. as such she is both consistent and completely unpredictable at once. thus, her flippant approach to toilet use is not entirely shocking to us, although it has made us much more cautious as to where we step. it's also taught me some important life skills, like learning to read between the lines when women are speaking. for example, "daddy, my legs are wet" means "grab the antibacterial and get ready for a treasure hunt." in addition to the typical carpet and bedsheets, i've found urine on rugs, countertops, the microwave, and under the sink. so when eli came and told me that pen "peed in the drain", i wasn't overly concerned. after all, what more innocuous place is there to leave one's mark than down some sealed drainage channel which leads to a treatment plant, or at the very least, an off site depository. unfortunately, i quickly discovered that the "drain" in question was one of our home's second story floor installed heating ducts. meaning there is some volume of stale urine coating the lining of our home's main heating system, continuously breathing its soiled exhaust onto our skin and into our lungs. although i'm beginning to come to grips with the idea, i'm still looking for a way to seal off access to the ice maker in the freezer.